By: Patti Fedie, LCSW
Self-esteem refers to how you view and think about yourself and the value that you place on yourself. Low self-esteem is when the value you place on yourself is overly negative which is problematic as it negatively influences several areas of your life.
Low Self-Esteem
Are you overall dissatisfied or unhappy with yourself? Do you ever think that you are weak, stupid, not good enough, inferior to other people, useless, worthless, unattractive, ugly, unlovable, a loser, or a failure? Most people use these words about themselves at times; however, if you often use these terms to describe yourself, then you might have a problem with low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is having a negative overall opinion of yourself, judging or evaluating yourself negatively, and placing a general negative value on yourself as a person. People with low self-esteem usually have deep-seated, basic, negative beliefs about themselves and the kind of person they are. These beliefs are often taken as facts or truths about their identity, rather than being seen as opinions they hold about themselves.
The Impact of Low Self-Esteem
Frequent Self-Criticism. People with low self-esteem say a lot of negative things about themselves. They criticize themselves, their actions and abilities or joke about themselves in a very negative way. They put themselves down, doubt themselves, or blame themselves when things go wrong.
Ignoring Positive Qualities. When people with low self-esteem receive a compliment, they might dismiss or negate such comments or say that “it was all luck” or “it wasn’t that big a deal.” Instead, they might focus on what they didn’t do, how they should have done it better or the mistakes they made.
Negative Emotions. People with low self-esteem often feel sad, depressed, anxious, guilty, ashamed, frustrated, and angry.
Effect on Work/Study. People with low self-esteem often achieve less than they are able to because they believe they are less capable than others. They may avoid challenges and opportunities for fear of not doing well. Or they work extremely hard and push themselves to do more because they believe they need to make up for, or cover up their lack of skills (or what they believe are their lack of skills). They have difficulty believing that any good results were due to their own abilities, hard work or positive qualities.
Relationship Problems. People with low self-esteem frequently struggle with relationships. They are easily distressed by any criticism or disapproval, they bend over backwards to please others, they are reserved and self-conscious or they may avoid or withdraw from intimacy or social contact. They are less likely to stand up for themselves or protect themselves from being bullied, criticized, or abused by partners, family and co-workers. Or they may go to the opposite extreme and be overly aggressive in their interactions with others.
Recreation and Leisure. People with low self-esteem might not participate in leisure or recreational activities because they might believe that they do not deserve any pleasure or fun. They might also avoid activities where they could be judged or evaluated in some way such as competitive sports, dancing and arts/crafts classes.
Personal Self-Care. People who do not value themselves might drink excessive amounts of alcohol or abuse drugs. They may ignore health concerns. They might not bother to shower, dress neatly or wear clean clothes. On the other hand, they might try to hide any inadequacies by not allowing themselves to be seen by others unless they look absolutely perfect.
It is important to know that low self-esteem is a common problem for many people in our society – so you are not alone. Low self-esteem can occur as part of problems such as depression, chronic illness or relationship turmoil or low self-esteem can be a problem in itself. Either way the good news is that there are steps that can be taken to develop more healthy self-esteem. It takes time and effort but the results can help you live your life to the fullest!
